5 proved signs , your girlfriend wants you in bed

Guys, sometimes it’s hard to tell if a woman is into you or not. Trust me, I know; I’m a woman. It’s called sending mixed signals, and we do it so we can entrap men with false rape allegations and extort money out of them. All women do it, and it would be considered a massive problem if it weren’t for our brilliant use of feminism to mask our elaborate scheme to enslave men.

But, I figured I’d throw you guys a bone and give you some tips to help you figure out when a woman ­_actually_ wants to f*ck, because we all know that no means no, and now sometimes even yes means no. Here’s the things you should look out for.

1. She Gives You “The Look”

Pupils dilated. Upper lids fully retracted, while the bottom lids push up. The eyes will dart back and forth rapidly as she flicks her tongue from side to side and bears her teeth. This means that she’s ready to mate, and it’s a clear go ahead.

2. She Pounds On Her Chest

Usually, this behavior was only seen in males, but thanks to the ‘pu**ification’ process in the war on boys, women have stolen chest pounding to indicate a desire for s3xual conquest. Now, when a woman pounds on her chest, she’s not just mocking men or announcing her lesbianhood, she’s actually trying to have s3x with men and show her dominance over the other heteros3xual females. Go talk to her, see what she has to say or grunt about.

3. She Flashes Her Genitals At You

This is one of the key signs. A woman who is interested in you will often lift up her skirt or dress to reveal her vag*na to you from across the bar. Unfortunately, because of feminism, women are no longer allowed to wear skirts. They have to wear a man’s pair of pants and they’re not allowed to be housewives or enjoy cooking. Thus, sometimes genital display isn’t available, and a woman will use the sides of her palms to pound on her vagina area DX “suck it” style to let you know that she wants to start a family with you.

4. She Lets Out A Bit Of Urine Near The Entrance Of Your House

Feminism is a work in progress, and it’s still not customary for women with money to purchase a husband as a fancy accessory like a race car or a gun or yacht. Unfortunately, if a woman tries to buy a man a bunch of nice things in order to win him as a trophy husband, the man will often feel intimidated. That’s why despite work to remove gender roles, it’s sometimes best to just revert back to our animal instincts. When a girl likes a guy, she’ll follow him home and urinate around the entrance to his nest. The urine pheromones will lead the man back to her place, where intercourse will take place.

5. She Gets Wet

I’m not just talking about the pu*sy here. A s3xual aroused human female will also drool at the sight of a man she is trying to copulate with. While men also do this, often as a part of the illegal rapist act of catcalling in which they turn into cartoon wolves, the reason for female drooling during courting is much different. As most human pairing has taken place in bars in recent history, women evolved a defense mechanism of drooling very visibly when they know they will leave with a man that night; that way, in the event she attempts to file false rape accusations later, there will be plenty of witnesses that will have observed her incapacitated droolier state earlier at the bar.

credit: thought catalog